I am livid, madam, absolutely livid!
How dare you subject me – Lieutenant Bertie Brimthorne of the 2nd Company of the Ordnance Survey Battalion to this indignity? I have my reputation to consider! I am a gentleman, ma’am, but you are no lady.
I presume, Bertie, this outburst has been triggered by your discovery that I printed a few, um, photographs of you on my Facebook page.
‘A few photographs’ you say? Will you attempt to deny that one of these images showed me completely unclothed, woman?
Well, yes, certainly one does depict you au naturel, Bertie, dear, but it’s only there to show the followers the transformation that occurred as you took on your current resplendent form. I’m quite delighted with your present appearance, and so should you be.
Followers? Who are these followers? You mean others are able to view this dreadful photographic image? Madam, you are quite shameless!
In my fearless journeys through the darkest and most impenetrable parts of the planet and beyond, I have – on several occasions – encountered indigenous persons in a certain state of undress. However, I would never sink so low as to obtain visual images of such people, far less to broadcast them to all and sundry. I only wish you had seen fit to afford me similar courtesy.
Well I apologise for any embarrassment my actions have caused you. I’m afraid the workings of my dimension must feel quite alien to you, Bertie. Social media has rather taken over here, in much the way that steam and clockwork have taken over where you are from.
Well to my way of thinking, you’d be far better off with steam power and our ingenious mechanical devices. Fiddling endlessly with those strange little glass boxes of yours – it isn’t healthy! I trust that your photographs for this piece will be of a more appropriate nature.
Of course they will, my dear Bertie. And unless any readers take it upon themselves to visit that Facebook page, they will be none the wiser.
Hmmpf. And what are you doing now? Why have those three words there turned blue? What mischief are you up to, woman?
Just fancied a change of colour, Bertie. Black can be so dull. Now why don’t you share some of your daring exploits with our readers?
No time. I’m off to Mongolithania first thing tomorrow morning and I need to check my supplies. I’ll bid you good day, madam.
I haven’t yet broken it to Bertie that he will probably end up for sale at the Steampunk Dolls House. I may need to broach the subject rather cautiously. Meanwhile, feel free to head over there and meet some of the other characters: http://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/SteampunkDollsHouse