Poor Augustus. He looks very apologetic and slightly alarmed. He holds himself entirely responsible for the furious beeping and light-flashing, not to mention the broken crockery and so forth, but it really isn’t entirely his fault.
You see, when one is a serial collector of all manner of unconsidered trifles, as Shakespeare would have it, there comes a time when a major clear-out must occur. This was just such a time.
I used vast quantities of broken jewellery, charms and other pleasingly-shaped objects to create some of our Wild and Wonky seasonal tree decorations. However there is a limit to what can be suspended from a Christmas tree.
I felt that the football boot studs, the broken plastic wind instruments, the polystyrene packaging, the various bottle caps and the two broken toy motorcycles would be a step too far, so I did what I usually do at such times. I handed them over to the highly enterprising Augustus Robottom and suggested he make some more of his very popular junk robots.
True to form, Gus produced some little wonders. There was a small butler bot holding a goblet of wine, a robot maid with teapot and cup, several messengers, guard bots and a very cute little handyman with screwdriver, drill and assorted useful bits and bobs.
Then the trouble started.
Gus began to transform the motorbikes.
They had been in a sorry state when I first found them in the 50p box of a local charity shop, but once Augustus had worked his magic and added in some rather unlikely components, he produced a couple of quite extraordinary biker bots.
The paintwork was transformed with glittery nail varnish and metallic wax. Huge exaust pipes were fashioned from a plastic trumpet and saxophone. An action figure’s mask became a grille on the front of one. A plastic drinking straw became a huge steam funnel on the other. The little robot drivers were fixed into place – one leaning forward eagerly, the other a rather laid-back easy rider.
Gus pronounced himself pleased with the result.
Then the trouble started.
The smaller robots caught sight of Robot G on his gleaming copper and gold motorbike. Pandemonium broke out.
Remember R2-D2 at its most animated and loud? Multiply that by eight and add in the smashing of household items and you’ll have some idea of the hubub caused by the consternation of the jealous little robots.
I’m not sure what that butler was offering me in his jewelled goblet, but it looked rather more like a poisoned chalice than a glass of wine. Beaded arms and fists were raised and each mouth spewed unbridled fury. They encircled poor Augustus, each demanding a shiny set of wheels for themselves. Alas, I had to admit I’d only been able to aquire two bikes.
We both felt it best they didn’t meet Robot I, the second biker. Fortunately, he was quickly snapped up by a collector in the United States, so their paths will not need to cross.
“Perhaps,” I suggested later, “it would be better to make your next batch of robots without emotion chips.”
Sadly, Augustus agreed.
The remaining robots will be on sale at the Folk Art Market in the Assembly Rooms, Glastonbury, Somerset on Saturday 16th November 2019. Any who are left will move to one of our Somerset outlets – Magpie Vintage in Midsomer Norton or Street Emporium. Interested customers who live further afield can contact us via the form on the home page of this website.