Good day, Sir and Madam.
You are most welcome to my humble establishment and, may I add, you are indeed my very first visitors, since the shop was only opened this morning. I had intended to be up and running at the end of last week, but unfortunately there was a problem obtaining leeches. As you see, though, there are now plenty in the jar, so all is well.
I have to say, I’m delighted with my small emporium. Don’t you just love the medicine cabinet? It was a generous gift from my dear friend Lady Grace and is ideally suited to my storage and display needs. Oh, pray do not touch the scales, Madam. They are most carefully balanced with a potion I was preparing for her ladyship when you arrived.
I’m very pleased, too, with my counter, which I put together myself from some iron and wood my cousin Amelia had left over from building a steam engine.
Now, how can I be of service to your good selves? I notice – if I may be so bold as to mention it – that you have a slightly windblown appearance and are both somewhat pale of countenance. Would I be correct in assuming that you have recently travelled in the dirigible just in from foreign parts?
Ah, I thought as much.
And would I also be right to suggest that Sir and Madam are perhaps feeling the effects of motion sickness? I understand that it was quite an eventful flight, one way and another.
Allow me to prepare you a tincture, Sir, which will have you restored to your accustomed vigour in no time. And for Madam – perhaps a small bottle of Mrs Mayhue’s Bitters. It is a most efficacious blood purifier and will return the bloom to your cheeks within a matter of hours.
No, no, the pleasure is all mine.
Is there anything else I can get for you?
Not wishing to alarm you in any way, my dear lady, but as you are newly arrived in this town, you may not yet be aware of the foul beast from the dark realms that roams the streets after nightfall. It can break through solid walls and seems quite unaffected by the weaponry our citizens have at hand.
I have concocted a rather powerful substance which, when sprinkled around your dwelling place, proves highly effective at repelling this monstrous apparition. It may be prudent to purchase a small vial for use during your stay. I certainly sleep easier knowing that I and my home are protected in this way.
Certainly. I’ll mix you a potion straight away. And perhaps some smelling salts for Madam?
Ralph Pettigrew’s compact apothecary’s shop folds into a small case, complete with carrying handle, measuring just 25cm by 17cm and only 9cm deep when closed. However there is ample room for customers when the front is folded down. (That’s 10 x 7 x 4 inches for those who use such measurements.)
Should you be in Glastonbury, Somerset on April 29th, do call into the Town Hall, where you can meet Ralph and inspect his premises for yourself.
Many of the advertisements and bottle labels displayed in the shop have been purchased from the excellent Chocolate Rabbit online shop, for which the link is here: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/chocolaterabbit
As always, many other OOAK steampunk characters and accessories are available from: www.etsy.com/uk/shop/SteampunkDollsHouse , including the delightful Lady Grace and Ralph’s cousin Amelia.
“Steampunked?” snorted the gentleman. “What kind of word is that? I don’t like the sound of it one little bit. Nor does my good lady wife or our maidservant, either. We are respectable people, I’ll have you know. ”
Their gasps as they saw his glass buttoned cotton lawn shirt and brocade waistcoat suggested that I might be winning the argument. They noticed the gold watch chain and stared in amazement as I pulled his fob watch from the satin-trimmed waistcoat pocket. Next I took the brass binoculars from his neck for them to examine and emptied the contents of his inch long leather shoulder bag on to the table. 
There was a folded, rather battered set of engineering plans, the pipe Isambard can never bear to be without and a tiny leather pouch containing tobacco (made from shredded leather).
Hi, I’m Ruby. They’ve asked me to explain to you what steampunk is, because loads of people are like, ‘What’s that?’
Those old stories I was talking about, yeah? Well they had all sorts of terrifying monsters and stuff that the heroes had to battle against with their amazing steam-powered weapons, so steampunk is into that, too. Loads of the guys go and buy nerf guns and do them up so they’re metallic and look really awesome, to protect themselves against all the evil stuff. I know – bit weird – but boys and their toys, y’know?
I got into it when I read Northern Lights. That’s by Philip Pullman and it’s what The Golden Compass film is based on, but I liked the book better. And now there are loads of good steampunk writers about and we have conventions and festivals and balls and everything. You might want to try reading stories by Nimue Brown or Phoebe Darqueling or go to some blogs like 
Finally my furnace was burning away merrily and Inferna the Twisted Firestarter was safely ensconced in her cage (with a large DO NOT FEED sign in case anyone felt tempted to give in to her endless wheedling and eyelash fluttering).
I must confess that much to my chagrin, I am reduced to relying on the kind lady’s charity, since my own – not inconsiderable – fortune remains locked in my own time. Even if I had managed to bring some with me on my time-travelling adventure, it would doubtless have suffered the same fate as myself and been reduced to one twelfth of its natural size, rendering it quite useless in my present surroundings. The dear lady is quite phlegmatic about the expenses, however. She insists that the total cost of building my engine room has been less than five pounds. That seems quite a large sum to me, but she insists it is a paltry amount in her age.
I began work at once. Within a few hours my engine was chugging merrily and the machinery was in perfect working order.
I recall that last time I penned an episode of my adventures as a one-twelfth scale explorer, inadvertently lodged in the year 2017, my normal sized assistant and myself were pondering a method of combustion for the steam engine we were building, to allow me to power up my Machine and escape to my own dimension – in every sense of that word.
“What manner of creature is it?” I enquired.
“It’s a battery tea light,” she continued, as if all should then become clear to me.
Should you wish to become better acquainted with Henry, do visit him at the Steampunk Dolls’ House. He’d enjoy the company. 
The good lady looked only mildly taken aback when I informed her that I would need an engine room – at 1/12 scale, naturally – in order to generate enough steam power to re-calibrate and start the Machine. She rummaged in a cupboard and produced a small valise of suitable dimensions (although quite UNsuitable design). Once I had persuaded her to redecorate it in a more suitable manner, though, I decided it would do very well.
“About that size and shape,” I said.
I am livid, madam, absolutely livid!
Well, yes, certainly one does depict you au naturel, Bertie, dear, but it’s only there to show the followers the transformation that occurred as you took on your current resplendent form. I’m quite delighted with your present appearance, and so should you be.
Well to my way of thinking, you’d be far better off with steam power and our ingenious mechanical devices. Fiddling endlessly with those strange little glass boxes of yours – it isn’t healthy! I trust that your photographs for this piece will be of a more appropriate nature.
Now this is the technology I feel most comfortable with – the glorious make-do-and-mend in which quite humdrum objects are cunningly combined and formed into wondrous contrivances (in time-honoured steampunk style, I feel).
As for contrivance, well don’t let her know that I’ve shared this information with you – heaven knows what she’d say – but the stick of her parasol was fashioned from a cotton bud stick, covered in copper tape (sold to gardeners as a slug repellent). The shade itself was moulded over the cap of a roll-on deodorant – lace and garden wire struts stiffened with PVA glue, before being covered and trimmed with fabric and lace. A few beads were added top and bottom, and her accessory was complete.
“I assure you, Miss Templemann, I would not dream of doing anything so ungentlemanly. All I have told you is the truth. I was crossing the Northern Sea in my airship, when a huge green tentacle appeared from far below and, as I explained, rendered most of my arm useless.”
Grace gave a throaty laugh. “Good gracious no! I asked Oscar to build me this dart launcher so that I might protect myself from attack when I embark on my expedition to darkest Africa. One simply can’t be too careful. I’ve been wearing it for a month and he is due to make any necessary adjustments before my departure on Saturday. But tell me more about your device. It looks most tremendously complicated.”
Grace is also available at the Steampunk Dolls House and can be found here: 
Steampunk - Shrunk! 