Heart of Glass – Part 1

Steampunk Anomaly 'Bjorn the Heart of Glass' Dollshouse Scale 1/12thI am Bjørn.  People call me Heart of Glass.  People pity me.  Or they are fearful.  Or disgusted.  A few show curiosity tinged with admiration.
“How does it feel,” they ask, “to be part man, part machine?  Do you have feelings?  Do you hate your employer for what he has done to you?  Do you seek revenge?  But then, do you have powers and skills the rest of us lack?  Is it glorious to become part machine?”
So the questions go on, and I am grateful to the enquirers. They are better than the ones who simply shudder and turn away, shaking their heads.

Let me tell you the story – my story – from the start.

Fire, Steamboat, Stoker, Boiler RoomI encountered Doctor Kopp when he saved my life.  I was a boiler-man on an icebreaker in the Northern seas.  For long, long shifts I shovelled coal into the great, ravenous furnace that powered the ship.  The owners worked me hard and my body – always thin and long and rather weak – was close to breaking point.

This day I was shovelling, then there was blackness and the next thing I knew was the Doctor bending over me anxiously, pushing up and down on my chest and giving a triumphant cry of “Ja!” as I blearily looked up at him.

It seemed I’d lost consciousness.  The chief stoker had run onto the deck and asked if there was a doctor amongst the passengers.  Doctor Kopp had rushed to my aid.  He tells me that without his intervention, I would have died then and there.

They wanted to put me back to work, but the good Doctor insisted I was to be allowed to rest for some days, until he pronounced me fit to work.  He had my meagre possessions moved to his cabin from my hammock in the engine room.  He cared for me, fed me and mixed potions to strengthen my body.

Dr Oskar Kopp

Soon I began to feel better, but still he would not let me return to work.
“Your heart, my boy!” he would exclaim. “It is sickly. It is not fitted for zis verk. Leave zis ship. I vill give you verk. You vill be mein assistant! You vill say yes!”

I did say yes.  Of course I did.  I had the chance to stop shovelling coal into that great gaping hell hole of a furnace; to become assistant to an eminent doctor.  I owed this man my life, and now he was offering me the opportunity to work with him.  Maybe I could learn from him, study hard, gain qualifications…  I could not express my gratitude and delight.

So when the ship docked at Newcastle, I left beside the doctor and travelled with him to his laboratory.

My jobs were menial, it’s true.  I cleaned his equipment, ran errands, acted as receptionist for his patients.  All this I did without complaint.  Also I saw the amazing work he did – creating mechanical limbs, weapons that were grafted onto the very bodies of their operators, even clockwork mechanisms to regulate irregular hearts.  The man was a genius!  Also I occasionally glimpsed the work he did in his private study after dark – the alchemy from that ancient grimoire, but this he tried to hide from me.

Ah!  But now I must stop!  The Doctor has retired to bed.  I have no need of sleep.  I too have secret work to do at night, so excuse me now.  I will continue my story soon.

 

Bjørn is available at the Steampunk Dolls’House,  along with many other figures and items from these stories.

  Steampunk Dolls House online Etsy shop

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alchemy

Vell I ask you, if you were to come into possession of an ancient grimoire vhich contained (along wiz ze normal recipes for creating ze philosophers’ stone und cures for varts) a spell entitled ‘How to Traverse Time’, vouldn’t you be a little intrigued?  Vouldn’t you give up a successful career to explore ze secrets it offers?

Of course you vould.  Just as I did.

I had a huge laboratory, back in zose days.  Mechanical construction vas my bread-und-butter.  Alvays zer ver young men vanting automatons, adjustments to zer contraptions and votnots.  Fraulein Vorzington, my young assistant, vas quite excellent at such sings.  I left her to it.  For me, reading ancient texts vas far more important.  I had zis strong feeling zat vun day, I vould discover zat for vich I searched.  Und here it is – ein dusty old volume, standing on my small table in my tiny, dark garret.  Viz zis book, I vill conquer time itself!

Doctor Oskar Kopp and his alchemist’s study is one of my favourite 1/12 scale creations.  It started as a simple cardboard case, less than the length of a 12 inch/ 30 cm ruler, but now contains his glass and copper still (much distillation goes on in alchemy), arcane diagrams and jottings, a shelf filled with dusty jars of dubious substances and a table which holds his microscope, apparatus and more bottles.  Then, of course, there is the doctor himself, with his plasma- and aether-sensitive binocular eyepiece, not to mention the infamous grimoire.  Yes, it does contain that spell, although you might have difficulty reading it, since the pages are less than 2 x 3 cm.  I’d also advise caution, should you manage to read it.  The ancient book uses Roman numerals, you see, so if you were to attempt to consume one hundred and eleven of the mushrooms, for example, rather than the specified three, the results could be catastrophic.  In fact, even three is pushing things rather…

The Case of the Alchemist’s Study will be on display on my stall at the Glastonbury Craft and Vintage Fair on Saturday 29th April, 2017.  Other Steampunk – Shrunk figures, rooms and accessories are available at Rune Smith of Glastonbury, at 1 Monarch Way, off Glastonbury High Street and online at the Steampunk Dolls’ House (where you can find Dr Kopp’s erstwhile assistant, Lucy Worthington and one of her automatons).  The jar labels, posters and cover for the spell book are courtesy of the wonderful Betsy at Chocolate Rabbit Graphics. 

It’s all in the detail

“Steampunked?” snorted the gentleman.  “What kind of word is that?  I don’t like the sound of it one little bit.  Nor does my good lady wife or our maidservant, either.  We are respectable people, I’ll have you know.  ”
His two female companions nodded in anxious agreement.

I smiled sympathetically.  These characters had only just arrived at the Steampunk-Shrunk workshop, wrenched (literally – their feet had been glued down) from a deceased elderly lady’s dolls’ house when her family were clearing out.

“I realise it must be very confusing for you. This not the most organised of places, but I promise you the end result will be worth it and you’re going to love your new look. It will certainly be more exciting than standing in a dolls’ house for decades.”

“There’s nothing whatsoever wrong with the clothes we are wearing,” he insisted.

“Well they look just fine from a distance,” I said carefully, “but – well, not to put too fine a point on it, they are glued to you! Your shirt, if you’ll forgive me, is a strip of poor quality fabric wrapped round your shoulders and stuck to your back. You have no waistcoat, no pockets, no hat…”

“May I be so bold as to ask what your plans are, ma’am?” asked the maid, dropping a slight curtsy.

“I will be hand-stitching all your clothes – even the shirts and the ladies’ undergarments.  Only the leather coats are glued, as stitching makes them too bulky, but they will open and have pockets you can use.  I love to include as much detail as possible.  Let me introduce you to some of the other people who have been transformed.”

First they met Isambard.
“Take a look beneath his greatcoat,” I suggested.

Their gasps as they saw his glass buttoned cotton lawn shirt and brocade waistcoat suggested that I might be winning the argument.  They noticed the gold watch chain and stared in amazement as I pulled his fob watch from the satin-trimmed waistcoat pocket.  Next I took the brass binoculars from his neck for them to examine and emptied the contents of his inch long leather shoulder bag on to the table.  There was a folded, rather battered set of engineering plans, the pipe Isambard can never bear to be without and a tiny leather pouch containing tobacco (made from shredded leather).

“Each of my Steampunk-Shrunk characters has one or two details like that,” I explained.  “Mercurius has binocular goggles, a map of the Antarctic in his coat pocket and a casket and key hidden under his coat.   Eve has a clockwork mechanism set into her back, although from the front you would never guess that she is an automaton.  Bella has an intricate mask made of watch parts, wires and black lace.  Why, even young Ruby has a tiny ticket to the steampunk fair tucked into the band of her hat.”

“I see,” said the gentleman, quietly, as he looked down at his own clothes.

“When do you think you can start to, ah, ‘Steampunk’ me?” enquired his wife.

“And me, ma’am?” whispered the maid, eagerly.

 

Some of the characters mentioned can be found at the Steampunk Dolls House if you click on their names.  Isambard and Ruby will be attending the Craft and Vintage Fair at the Town Hall, here in Glastonbury, UK on April 29th 2017.
As for the new characters, I’m sure they will enjoy their transformation as much as I will.

 

 

Ruby

Hi, I’m Ruby.  They’ve asked me to explain to you what steampunk is, because loads of people are like, ‘What’s that?’

Well don’t be put off by the long words (‘cos I learned them specially, lol) but it’s a kind of retro-futurism.  Yeah, I know.  Took me a while to get my head around it, but there’s these old stories that were written like years and years ago, by Victorians and that.  HG Wells and Jules Verne and people.  And although they’re set in those times, they’re about the future – things like exploring to the centre of the earth or time travel and cool stuff like that.

Well some modern people thought it would be fun to imagine a world like those old people wrote about was really coming true.  It’s as if time took a different turn and instead of us getting into nuclear power and smart phones and everything, people had found clever ways to use the olden days technology like steam and clockwork.  I think it’s dead cool.

Those old stories I was talking about, yeah?  Well they had all sorts of terrifying monsters and stuff that the heroes had to battle against with their amazing steam-powered weapons, so steampunk is into that, too.  Loads of the guys go and buy nerf guns and do them up so they’re metallic and look really awesome, to protect themselves against all the evil stuff.  I know – bit weird – but boys and their toys, y’know?

Steampunk isn’t much like real Victorians, because they were quite dodgy really – no women’s rights and like exploiting the working classes and anyone who wasn’t British.  We learned about them in history.  So steampunk people have a motto about being splendid to everyone.  We kind of take the best of Victorians (like how good they were at inventing and building awesome machines and everything) and ignore all the bad bits.

I got into it when I read Northern Lights.  That’s by Philip Pullman and it’s what The Golden Compass film is based on, but I liked the book better.  And now there are loads of good steampunk writers about and we have conventions and festivals and balls and everything.  You might want to try reading stories by Nimue Brown or Phoebe Darqueling or go to some blogs like The Curious Adventures of Messrs Smith and Skarry or Cogpunk Steamscribe.

Anyhow, got to rush.  I’m off to a steampunk fair with Charles.  His costume looks awesome.  Oh, and if you want to check up on some of the others, go to The Steampunk Dolls House.  I might join them there sometime.

Diary of a Tinkerer: The Final Steps

Finally my furnace was burning away merrily and Inferna the Twisted Firestarter was safely ensconced in her cage (with a large DO NOT FEED sign in case anyone felt tempted to give in to her endless wheedling and eyelash fluttering).

Huge clouds of steam billowed from the copper pipe my assistant and myself had fashioned from something called a ‘jumbo drinking straw’ and a supply of copper tape normally sold, apparently, to deter slugs from entering plant pots.  The twenty-first century will forever remain a puzzle to me.

“So what do we need now, Henry?” enquired my companion.
I made a list of the items required for the machinery, valves, gauges and pipework and a rough sketch of the way I intended to fit them together.
“Shouldn’t be a problem,” she nodded. “I’ll do a trawl of the charity shops on the High Street. If we have to spend money, at least we can be sure it will go to a good cause.”

Money.

I must confess that much to my chagrin, I am reduced to relying on the kind lady’s charity, since my own – not inconsiderable – fortune remains locked in my own time.  Even if I had managed to bring some with me on my time-travelling adventure, it would doubtless have suffered the same fate as myself and been reduced to one twelfth of its natural size, rendering it quite useless in my present surroundings.  The dear lady is quite phlegmatic about the expenses, however.  She insists that the total cost of building my engine room has been less than five pounds.  That seems quite a large sum to me, but she insists it is a paltry amount in her age.
” Besides,” she smiled. “Once you’ve powered up your device and headed off into some other dimension, or whatever you do, the engine room will still be here and I can sell it at a profit.”
I agreed that this would be an excellent solution and would prevent me from feeling aggrieved at causing her to be out of pocket.

Beaming broadly, she returned from her shopping expedition and tipped a collection of items on to the table.  I had to admit she had done well.  There were narrow gauge steel tubes, various jewellery beads and fittings, a wooden memo box with a picture of two children and a rabbit peeling from it (excellent housing for the machinery, once the picture was removed and it had been painted and burnished), some metal devices for inflating footballs and a heavy-duty metal nut and bolt set.

I began work at once.  Within a few hours my engine was chugging merrily and the machinery was in perfect working order.

So – if all goes to plan – this will be my final entry in my diary for the year of 2017.  I have said fond farewells to my able and accommodating full-sized assistant.  I have made all the necessary calibrations and am shortly to plug my heavily rebuilt portable time-machine into the engine to charge it.  Hopefully, I will then depart for my own world and be restored to my full size, with many a tale to tell.

Farewell.

Assistant’s note:  I am pleased to report that Henry’s departure was successful – although I do rather miss him.  By some strange space-time anomaly, a lifeless but otherwise perfect version of Henry, as he looked when he first arrived in my cottage, has remained behind and is offered for sale at the Steampunk Dolls’ House (click for link).  The engine room will also be offered for sale, either at the shop or on my Steampunk – Shrunk! stall at the Glastonbury Craft and Vintage Fairs held once a month.  Contact me for details.

Diary of a Tinkerer – Part 3: Firestarter

I recall that last time I penned an episode of my adventures as a one-twelfth scale explorer, inadvertently lodged in the year 2017, my normal sized assistant and myself were pondering a method of combustion for the steam engine we were building, to allow me to power up my Machine and escape to my own dimension – in every sense of that word.

By a piece of great good fortune, I myself was able to solve that particular conundrum.  It occurred when I noticed, in a nearby city, an establishment named Whitherspoons.  It had a most favourable external aspect and, hoping that I might have stumbled upon a high quality gin palace, I eagerly made my way towards it.  No sooner had my foot alighted on the threshold, however, than I was pushed backwards by a person carrying a cage almost as large as himself and being propelled from the building with considerable force by a burly and irate landlord.  The language which passed between them convinced me that this was in no way the kind of establishment I had anticipated, so I turned my attention instead to the evicted individual.

“Honessly,” he was mumbling, “it was only a puff o’ smoke.  Nuffin’ to make a fuss about.  This no smokin’ rule is ridickilus.”
I assisted him to his feet and righted the cage which, I then noticed, contained a greenish yellow reptilian creature with a baleful expression.
“It’s ‘er fault!” the man said angrily, gesturing towards the animal. “Reached out an’ grabbed a bit o’ coal from the scuttle by the log burner, didn’t you!”
The creature attempted to slink further down the cage and averted its gaze.
“All I wanted was a quiet pint! Wos a bloke s’posed to do, eh?”

“What manner of creature is it?” I enquired.
“She a fire starter,” he replied. “Twisted fire starter. Best sort. They fit better in the cages, see? Cost me an arm an’ a leg, she did. But that’s the nature of the beast, innit? Give ’em a bit of coal and they start a fire, don’t they?  An’ when they go nickin’ coal that’s been left lyin’ around in scuttles, well, stands to reason she’s gonna start smokin’, don’t it?  An’ wot wiv pubs all bein’ no smokin’ hestablishments these days, little madam only been an’ got me slung out, didn’t she?”
“I understand your predicament,” I responded.

That was when I had my enterprising idea.
“I don’t suppose you’d be willing to allow me to take her off your hands, would you? I can promise her an excellent home and plenty of coal.
He regarded me solemnly. “Well,” he began slowly, “Like I said, she cos’ me…”

At that moment, though, the door of the inn opened and two exceedingly merry gentlemen emerged, bringing with them a distinct odour of cheap ale.  The temptation was too great for my companion to resist.
“Go on then.  Take ‘er, an’ welcome.  Jus’ don’t feed ‘er unless yer want a fire startin’.  She’ll try anythin’ to get round yer.  ‘Arden yer ‘eart, mate.  Don’t say I didn’t warn yer.”

And without further ado, he handed me the cage and returned to his beverage, while I headed back eagerly to my assistant’s cottage with my new acquisition.

 

Henry’s Engine Room, including the twisted fire starter, will be on display at the Steampunk-Shrunk! stall at Glastonbury Town Hall on Saturday 25th March 2017. 

Diary of a Tinkerer – Part 2: Fire

A new day dawns, and if I can permit myself a brief moment of nostalgia for my – temporarily – lost world and stature, I shall temper that with enthusiasm for the construction of my engine room.  This is progressing well.

Yesterday my enterprising assistant was able to help me to construct the furnace for the steam generator.  True, in her dimension it is a small box coated with some strange, shiny substance, but for my present scale (one twelfth of my accustomed size) it provides a sturdy and robust firebox, particularly as much of it is lined with copper.

“We can use one of these to make the fire, Henry,” she announced, producing a cylindrical appliance of oriental construction, which utilises something she calls a ‘battery’ to produce a flickering flame in a small translucent bulb.
“It’s a battery tea light,” she continued, as if all should then become clear to me.
“Madam, I applaud your ingenuity,” I responded. “And a cup of tea would be most welcome, by the by.  However, I should feel more comfortable if I were able to use a more traditional fuel for my engine. We will need a large quantity of coal and a means with which to ignite it.”

Nothing daunted, the redoubtable lady collected a sheet of extremely thin and pliable aluminium from her kitchen.  It apparently has some culinary purpose which I am unable to comprehend.  Having screwed it into a lump, she proceeded to spray it black.  I have to admit, it certainly resembles a coal heap and the good lady assures me it will serve as such.  I trust that she is not merely humouring me.

“I’m not sure how you would be able to light it, though,” she remarked, dubiously.

I am pleased to say that I provided a solution to that difficulty.  However I am too fatigued by my day’s exertions to record the details now.  It will have to wait for another occasion.

 

Steampunk Explorer 'Henry' Dollshouse Scale 1/12thShould you wish to become better acquainted with Henry, do visit him at the Steampunk Dolls’ House.  He’d enjoy the company.  The link is here

 

Diary of a Tinkerer – Part 1

Henry

I’m not lost.  It is, after all, impossible to be lost when you are in possession of a temporal transformer.  Time and space have been my playground for some time.  However I do find myself – ah – temporarily displaced, one could say, since my efforts to adapt the Machine to incorporate the space-time continuum (a theory I discovered on one of my journeys into the twentieth century) have had a somewhat unfortunate – and unforeseen – result.  In short, I find myself marooned in the year 2017 and one twelfth of my normal size with a malfunctioning device.

Nevertheless, I am by nature a resourceful gent and I have acquired the services of a slightly eccentric but mostly harmless lady (of normal dimensions) who has agreed to act as my guardian and enabler while I am forced into this regrettable situation.

The good lady looked only mildly taken aback when I informed her that I would need an engine room – at 1/12 scale, naturally – in order to generate enough steam power to re-calibrate and start the Machine.  She rummaged in a cupboard and produced a small valise of suitable dimensions (although quite UNsuitable design).  Once I had persuaded her to redecorate it in a more suitable manner, though, I decided it would do very well.

“So what goes inside it, Henry?” the enterprising lady asked.
I informed her that a large steam tank was needed, and pointed at a white plastic container on her table which bore the legend ‘Cod Liver Oil Capsules. Extra strength. Take one daily.’
“About that size and shape,” I said.
“Right you are,” she grinned, and decanted said capsules into a tin.

We worked together to transform the container. She wielded the car spray can and fitted the pipework, while I worked on the more intricate gauges and levers necessary to maintain the correct pressure and temperature.

I am beginning to feel quite optimistic about this project.

To be continued.

 

Henry is, at the time of writing, still marooned in the 21st century.  To be exact, he is located at the Steampunk Dolls’ House, which he finds quite distressing.  Should you wish to visit, or even liberate him, please find him there by using this link: https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/480727524/steampunk-explorer-henry-dollshouse?ref=shop_home_active_18

Bertie Brimthorne vents his fury

20170301_152615I am livid, madam, absolutely livid!
How dare you subject me – Lieutenant Bertie Brimthorne of the 2nd Company of the Ordnance Survey Battalion to this indignity?  I have my reputation to consider!  I am a gentleman, ma’am, but you are no lady.

I presume, Bertie, this outburst has been triggered by your discovery that I printed a few, um, photographs of you on my Facebook page.

‘A few photographs’ you say?  Will you attempt to deny that one of these images showed me completely unclothed, woman?

20170301_095233Well, yes, certainly one does depict you au naturel, Bertie, dear, but it’s only there to show the followers the transformation that occurred as you took on your current resplendent form.  I’m quite delighted with your present appearance, and so should you be.

Followers?  Who are these followers?  You mean others are able to view this dreadful photographic image?  Madam, you are quite shameless!

In my fearless journeys through the darkest and most impenetrable parts of the planet and beyond, I have – on several occasions – encountered indigenous persons in a certain state of undress.  However, I would never sink so low as to obtain visual images of such people, far less to broadcast them to all and sundry.  I only wish you had seen fit to afford me similar courtesy.

Well I apologise for any embarrassment my actions have caused you.  I’m afraid the workings of my dimension must feel quite alien to you, Bertie.  Social media has rather taken over here, in much the way that steam and clockwork have taken over where you are from.

20170227_162205Well to my way of thinking, you’d be far better off with steam power and our ingenious mechanical devices.  Fiddling endlessly with those strange little glass boxes of yours – it isn’t healthy!  I trust that your photographs for this piece will be of a more appropriate nature.

Of course they will, my dear Bertie.  And unless any readers take it upon themselves to visit that Facebook page, they will be none the wiser.

Hmmpf.  And what are you doing now?  Why have those three words there turned blue?  What mischief are you up to, woman?

Just fancied a change of colour, Bertie.  Black can be so dull.  Now why don’t you share some of your daring exploits with our readers?

No time.  I’m off to Mongolithania first thing tomorrow morning and I need to check my supplies.  I’ll bid you good day, madam.

I haven’t yet broken it to Bertie that he will probably end up for sale at the Steampunk Dolls House.  I may need to broach the subject rather cautiously.  Meanwhile, feel free to head over there and meet some of the other characters: http://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/SteampunkDollsHouse

 

Technological advances

20170220_142157Now this is the technology I feel most comfortable with – the glorious make-do-and-mend in which quite humdrum objects are cunningly combined and formed into wondrous contrivances (in time-honoured steampunk style, I feel).

Take Penelope here:  Like all the characters at the Steampunk Dolls’ House, she began life as a rather dull, soberly dressed figure.  (Just imagine how complex the manoeuvres with our time machine were, to enable us to bring you this ‘before and after’ picture.)

After much padding, cutting and stitching, she cuts a fine figure, I’m sure you’ll agree.

20170210_142107As for contrivance, well don’t let her know that I’ve shared this information with you – heaven knows what she’d say – but the stick of her parasol was fashioned from a cotton bud stick, covered in copper tape (sold to gardeners as a slug repellent). The shade itself was moulded over the cap of a roll-on deodorant – lace and garden wire struts stiffened with PVA glue, before being covered and trimmed with fabric and lace.  A few beads were added top and bottom, and her accessory was complete.

I am far less comfortable with the technology involved in social media, and it was not without considerable difficulty that I endeavoured to produce a Facebook page to showcase the items featured in Steampunk – Shrunk.  If I have achieved my goal, followers of that page should be alerted to the publication of this post … and by visiting this link: https://www.facebook.com/steampunkle/  you should be able to visit, like and follow that page.

I trust that you will make that journey smoothly, and not become irretrievably lost in some etheric time warp.

Felicitations, until next time.